Thoughts

Week 3: Drop the towel. Don’t throw it in.

Right before I made the decision to become a fulltime CMO (Chief Music Officer), I had met with Philip Kirakofe, founder of Failure Club to discuss the philosophy behind the journey. 

He said something that I would never forget. (Yes, Philip if you’re reading this – “there is no spoon,” but that’s not what I’m talking about…)

He mentioned that the natural tendency when you go after a goal, there will be points where you’ll reach an enormous amount of tension/breakdown right before breakthrough. It’s something I’ve taken with me throughout my journey. 

At the beginning of this third week of being a CMO, I had encountered a lot of candid feedback and personal struggles this week. I had lived in a bubble for months in which enabled by this dreamy forcefield, and a belief that my support system was solid —at the beginning of the week it felt otherwise…

My confidence was shaken. Every other comment/call/meeting further magnified my shaky perception. 

There I found myself with my towel in my hand – all ready to throw it in. How alone I felt. “Don’t give up.” I kept repeating over and over. When I finally had the courage to put the towel down, I put my head in my hands and cried. I cried for 24 hours straight. 

I cried because it was time. I knew it and it was ok. It felt good.
I was sad. I was scared. I cried because I was tired and moody. I also felt so alone and naive. At my keyboard, tears fell so hard I swore it pressed keys. Even though I’m surrounded by love and support. 

That’s when I remembered something else Philip said. In your journey towards your goal, a sign that you are about to turn a major corner is if the people that are around you, your friends and your family – stop relating to you. They are unable to give you advice and help because they are unfamiliar with the path you are about to forge. That’s when you know you’re about to do something big. 

That could have not been more poignant foreshadowing. 

I get frustrated that I am not able to find more help in my journey, but it’s because the journey I’m on has no well trodden path. No right, no wrong answers. 

I ended this third week as a CMO on a positive note. It really did feel like I fell off a fucking horse this week. The fact that I was able to get back on quickly really made this week an important one in my journey. 

God this is some adventure I’m on. I mean for what it’s worth, this week marked the first time I ever wrapped rapped. WTF? That will haunt me I’m sure. Thank you for all of you who have been part of it this week. You know who you are and I appreciate you enormously.